Not Quite Ashtavakra, But Getting There

After a once-in-a-while awareness of myself as an observer at work, I have a unique perspective — different from my past, i.e., before I became aware of the observer-style mindset.

Let me share some examples from before the observer-style mindset:

1. I judged people at work.
2. I had opinions about my colleagues from my own viewpoint.
3. I compared and rated.
4. I critiqued them, anchoring their actions and thoughts to my ‘beliefs’.
5. I believed my ‘beliefs’ would never change and consulted them as ultimate truth.
6. I saw faults and shortcomings in others.
7. I was jealous at times.
8. I was defensive about my approach when someone scored better in terms of results.
9. I said, “I don’t care what they say or think. I know I am right.”
10. I felt I was being targeted to bring me down.
11. I am the best, but they don’t know it because they are biased.
12. You get what you are destined for.
13. Don’t exhibit, but judge the ones who do.

In all of the above situations, what I see is a deliberate attempt on my part to be actively involved — as mind and body.

After becoming aware of the observer-style mindset, I see each of the above 13 statements differently.

1. I am biased and judging. The basic premise of engaging is trust, premised on ensuring zero bias.
2. Opinions kept changing, and I let them change. I did not hold on to them in my mind or while speaking about others.
3. I saw but did not compare. It seemed a futile exercise. Why? Even the best performer in some situations was a laggard in another. I learnt about ‘intent’ as a trait to observe.
4. I question my beliefs and forget if I have any. I spoke confused when asked explicitly about my beliefs about anything at work.
5. My beliefs are irrational and fluid — if I get forgetful and don’t reinforce them in my mind, they dissolve.
6. I rephrased faults in others as — “She missed the other perspective” — once this thought is felt in the mind, it is forgotten.
7. That does not come anymore, and hence a sense of ‘moving on’ with ease persists.
8. I don’t defend anymore. I say what I feel and don’t care if it is acknowledged or not.
9. I became indecisive, with no effort made to even judge or analyse who is right or wrong.
10. This is like — I don’t see this anymore.
11. I don’t rate or compare. Am I doing what I should in that situation or moment? That’s it.
12. I don’t believe in destiny anymore. I value the ‘present’ moment only.
13. I am unimpressed (neutral) — what is to be done should be done; rest, I don’t fall for biases and nudges that get me biased — for or against anyone.

Even writing this feels like an exhibition. My gut says this is a secret — not to be shared, but to be felt. Yet here I am, doing it.

And so I am not an ‘Observer’ in complete sense — not in the way Ashtavakra defines it. I am in an ‘observer-style’ mindset.

This distinction matters to me.